Previous thoughts, lying in wait

As from my last post, you know that I have had another ACL surgery.  This one was back on December 30th.  This time around I received a donor tissue instead of taking tissue from another part of my body.  Please read this post, A Donation, and help me silently thank the family of the person that donated this tissue that is helping me regain a more mobile life.

Running was the focus of this blog; what motivates me to run and what I think about when I run.  However, I have not done a lot of running over the last 7 months, so this blog is taking on a different meaning to me.  It has helped me vent a bit and express myself to the point that I come back later and get to live up to what I typed on these pages.  This has proven a wonderful release yet more so, a surprising way to look at myself in the mirror – as unsightly as that glimpse is, when your previous thoughts “lie in wait” until you decide to re-read a post from the near past.

One of those posts was a draft that I never published.  It has waited for me to do something with it since November 15th.  I share it with you below, and I hope that I can live up to what I was thinking back then.

November 15th, 2010

Another Monday, another doctors appointment.

This time it was for what appears as a re-injury of my ACL.  An MRI is next, with a follow-up visit next week.  I didn’t know what to expect the first time around.  This time, I’m still not 100% sure, but I’ve at least got an idea.

If this turns into another surgery, I can definitely approach it in a different way.

This time around I’ll not concentrate on running, biking and participating in all kinds of sports as soon as possible; I’m going to live in the moment I’m in, not looking forward to something down the road that might never come.

This time around I believe I’ll not try to push harder than what everyone is telling me to do;  I’ll heal on my body’s time, not mine.

This Blog will go on!  I will come back to the theme of Running later, but until then, it will be about what is running through my mind during my recovery.  Thank you for reading.

…running through my mind…

Your kids are beautiful.

A chance meeting with a friend a few days ago, brightened my attitude more than expected.

I had just gotten back from an MRI; mentally I needed to get some exercise and get my mind off of the fact that I’m in need of yet another look at my knee by professionals.  Once inside the gym, I saw a friend; one that I had been pretty close to at one time for a short period.  We talked for several minutes about knee injuries and recovering from them; I met his wife for the first time; and I was able to get a good boost of positive feelings from this conversation.  He’s a very positive person.

As I worked my knee on the bike, I thought about our conversation and how things could turn out very differently than the negative way I was portraying them to now be.  The outcome of the MRI was uncertain and it scared me.

Just before he left, he pointed at me and hollered across the room, “Your kids are beautiful”, and he started to walk towards the door.  The whole room turned to look at me, all of them smiling.  My first thought was to look at them and say, “They really are”, but instead I looked back at Mark and said, “Thank you, they enjoy seeing you every week”.

I didn’t think much more about my knee the rest of the day.  I thought about my kids and my wife.  I thought about how much they mean to me and no matter how messed up my knee is, I still have them in my life.  I’m more thankful for those three kids and my beautiful wife than I ever could be for a knee.

What are you thankful for this week?

 

…running through my mind…