I’m starting to Listen

Lately during our Sunday School hour at church, I have been hanging out, drinking coffee and chit-chatting with anyone that will listen about weather and other non-essential crap.  I have not really had a home during this hour at church for some time. 

I attended a familiar class this morning though.

Normally I offer up my opinion and/or help lead whatever class I’m involved with, in some sort of discussion.  This morning though, I listened.  Listened to others opinions.  Listened to others thoughts.  Listened to others stories.  Listened to others struggles.  Listened to others joys.  I just Listened.  I walked out of there, feeling better than I have in quite a while – while at church.

I have been in a searching mode lately at this church; searching if I want to help lead a group again, or just be a participant for a while; searching if I want to stay where I am; searching if my faith and what I believe actually fit in with the people who I’m around; just plain searching.

As I ran today, I attempted to shape these two together.  Searching and Listening.

I realize now, I could not even attempt to discern what I’m looking for if I’m not listening.  I can complain that things are not the way they should be, yet never truly see how they are if I am not listening.  I can read book after book and not really know what any of those books are saying, if I am not listening for the message the authors are trying to reveal.  I will continue to search forever – in vain, if I don’t start listening.  

You see, sometimes I am thinking about a rebuttal while someone else is talking.  Other times I’m thinking about how I’m going to cut this conversation short, because I’m not interested in the dialogue in the first place.  And still other times, I’m not even hearing what the other person is saying.  I did just that this morning after leaving church (it takes things a while to take hold in this head of mine) while my daughter was talking.  I have no idea what she said – still.  I do listen to people, but not nearly enough, and from what I’ve learned today – I’m not listening to the people that matter. 

Listening to the other people in the class, helped me realize that we are not so far apart.  I saw a person express something very deep, something she believes in with everything she has;  only to have a second person voice that he could not understand how she could believe that way.  What followed was an unbelievable  display of mercy and grace from her friends, coming to her defense in a way that did not degrade the other person.  I heard another person talk about what they try to do for our community now that it seems like 1/4 of everyone is out of jobs.  This person shared some deep personal feelings with us.  It connected me to them.  If I would have been preparing my rebuttal, contriving my exit, or even thinking about the Kansas City Chiefs,……I would have missed it……….I would have missed it.

As I pressed on towards my last mile today, I found it interesting that the people in my life that I respect and value the most, have a common trait.  They all listen.  Also compelling is that these are the people who have the most influence with me.  They don’t stop with listening though.  They ask follow-up questions to more understand where I’m coming from.  They don’t talk too much, they allow the back and forth conversation that usually happens when two people have respect for each other.  And they always have some sort of positive feedback, even if they just called me out on something.  None of this can happen though, if I’m not listening.

I’m starting to listen.

…running through my mind…

Me Running Mates

Sometime during the summer, I told my two oldest kids that they were going for a bicycle ride, alongside me while I ran.  They balked and complained, so I offered that they could take a soccer ball and a football and play at a near by Middle School while I ran around the track once we got there.  For several times this summer they enjoyed riding over with me, enjoyed playing while we were at the track and then enjoyed the ride back home.

I liked having the company while running.  Especially my 8-year-old daughter.  I would put my earphones on, but inevitably she would start talking about something and I’d pull them out.  It got to the point over the summer that I would not put my earphones on while I was running with them.  I got to hear about what was going on at school, what was going on with friends of her’s and what she was thinking about during her last softball game.  The connection that we were building – while she rode and I ran – was an exercise that I began to look forward to.  My 6-year-old boy was just as much a pleasure to hear laugh at a squirrel that ran across his path, or listen to him talk about everything he was going to do when we got to the Middle School.

Over time, I got to watch my kids go from trepidation while crossing little known roads, to stopping looking both ways (most of the time) and then forging on their own down the road we had traveled a dozen times already.  Pretty soon there was not chatter or talk amongst us as we journeyed on to the Middle School.  I missed the time we had to talk with each other very much, however I was beginning to enjoy watching them do their own thing, while I was 10-20-30 feet behind them.  I will not be able to do that in life very often, or for much longer.

As Fall snuck upon us, our travels to the Middle School waned and drew to a close.  Neither one of them wanted to traverse the already conquered subdivision roads in order to play with a couple of balls in an open field.  These mates of mine, that I talked with during my runs were now on to other episodes of their life to subdue and overcome. 

I’m so happy, lucky, blessed, and glad that this is one way I was able to spend my summer.

 

…running through my mind…